Student Quarantining in Multi-Million Dollar Home “Just Can’t Do It Anymore”

Oh no! Reports show Genevieve Davenport (C ‘23) “literally can’t take quarantine a single second longer,” says reporters from her childhood mansion in Greenwich, CT. “I’m 100% done with this,” says Genevieve, whose family is in the 1%. 

UTB visited Genevieve in her 7 bedroom, 8 bathroom residence to hear about her struggles quarantining in a space as big as Houston Hall. “My driveway is so long, so when I order from Ubereats, I have to walk like, a quarter-mile to get my food.” UTB did notice that the soles of her Golden Goose sneakers were awfully muddy. 

Genevieve also says that living in a house as huge as hers makes it feel even more lonely, noting that her family could be on any of the 5 floors or in any of the 17 rooms. “It’s weird because there are 4 of us kids and my parents have jobs that enable them to work from home easily and don’t have to risk their livelihood to make money, so we’re all at home all the time. I mean, we even have our groceries delivered! You’d think I’d run into them more often, but I haven’t seen my older brother in two days.” 

“I just need to get out of this house,” said Genevieve wistfully, staring out the back window at her three acres of land. “It’s not even warm enough for the pool,” she sadly notes. “Or cold enough for the hot tub. I can’t win.” 

“I just miss Penn so much. I feel like the opposite of home-sick. Or mansion-sick, I guess. It's like I’m school-sick, you know? It's a real thing. And it's just awful." 

UTB reporters note that "school-sicknesses" has increased drastically during this period of time, along with other illnesses such as COVID-19.