BREAKING: Hundreds of Penn Students Receive Summer Internship Offers From Mom

In an exciting turn of events, hundreds of Penn students have received coveted summer internship offers from Mom. Things seemed dire for those who had spent months lining up their summer internships on Wall Street or Silicon Valley only to have plans canceled due to Coronavirus concerns. Thankfully, they were saved by the kindness and generosity of Mom, who reached out to provide very late offers to select students. While there will be no set salary or stipend of any sort, this internship will not only pay for living expenses but will also cover most meals and laundry costs as well. Locations vary but will be spread out across the country and reportedly, students may be able to work in their own hometown. 

The roles students will have to fulfill range from Waste and Disposables Technician to the Director of Internet and Gadgets, working directly under the head boss. The company prides itself on close communication between the executives and the new interns. This includes barging in on the interns' private cubicles at any time to ask if they need anything or to ask them for help with a trivial project. The company also values the protection and safety of all interns. This means that the building will be on lockdown after 10 p.m. and no one will be allowed in or out of the premises. 

There are numerous other guidelines that must be abided by and will be mentioned during orientation. Interns have been warned that these rules may change periodically if Mom feels as though they should. Because the company prides itself on transparency, anyone is allowed to petition for change in any company policy. These complaints will ultimately end up being pulled, as the executives always find a way to be right.  

When asked about their response to this new and exciting replacement to their summer jobs, most students just cried, likely from the joy they felt at being given such a wonderful opportunity.