Latest Survey Finds Penn Students Desperate to Move out of Parents' Basement

Shocking! A recent survey administered by the DP found that a majority of students are in favor of a hybrid school experience come fall. We interviewed some of the survey's participants to dig deeper into the reasons behind this preference. 

"There's no doubt that the pandemic is at the forefront of our minds and safety is definitely important, but honestly, I don't think I can survive another few months living in my parents' basement," explained College junior, Sophie Lee. "They are always telling me that I should 'go to bed before 3:00 am so that I can get up before noon' blah blah blah — it's really rude!"

Wharton sophomore, Angel Galdamez, echoed Lee's sentiments saying, "Yeah, sure I want to see my friends and regain some semblance of normal life, but the true motivating factor for my wish for a hybrid experience is my parents' constant nagging. It's always 'Angel, please pick up your stuff, I tripped over it again' or 'Angel, stop leaving empty boxes in the cupboard, just recycle the box if you finish it,' they just don't understand me.

We were surprised to find that rising senior, Matthew Kingston, one of the survey's supposed participants, claimed he had never filled out the survey in the first place. While on our Zoom interview, his mom came in to bring him a snack. "Oh, the DP survey?" asked Kingston's mom, "I filled that out for little Mattie. It's been lovely having him home, but I need a break and more importantly, I need my basement back," commented Kingston's mom.

For the sake of parents' basements everywhere, Amy Gutmann, if you're reading this, listen to the students' pleas and give us a hybrid experience. We know there's a risk of COVID, but anything's better than another four months at home.