Trump Threatens to Cut Education Funding Because He Cares About Education

In an attempt to force schools and universities to reopen in the fall, President Trump has threatened to withhold federal funds from schools that do not reopen.

“In America, we value education so much. It is essential that the schools reopen so that students can learn and be exposed to new ideas that broaden their horizons. We want students to consider different perspectives. We also want students to learn the ways of science and humanities so that our citizens grow up to be educated and moral Americans,” said Senator Mitch McConnell. “Education is what is keeping America from falling into a pit of cultish ignorance, that’s why education is a whole 6% of the US budget, while the military is only 14.8% of the budget.”

Because school plays such a vital role in America’s future, the Trump administration is using the threat of withholding pretty much nonexistent education funds to incentivize schools to reopen. Once reopened, schools are once again to be hubs for the spread of knowledge, experience, citizenship, and disease. 

“I value education a lot,” said President Trump in an exclusive interview with Under the Button. “I value it a lot a lot. I value it so much that I even hired someone to take my SAT for me. That’s how much I care about education.” 

“And I care about our children’s education,” said President Trump. “It’s so important, it’s a matter of life or death.”