“Bad Things Happen in Philadelphia,” Said Every Penn Student Ever

On September 29th, 2020, during the Presidential Debate between President Trump and Joe Biden, Trump paid homage to his alma mater by quoting every Penn student in the history of the University of Pennsylvania when  he said: “Bad things happen in Philadelphia.” 

All across the country, current Penn students and alumni alike rejoiced, their grievances finally aired on national television.

College senior Derek Derekson has been complaining to his buddies for years that: “Sure, the greater Philadelphia area faces an opioid epidemic, but the real crime is my dealer trying to charge me $100 for a gram of coke. We have serious drug problems here in Philadelphia, and the epicenter of it is Walnut to Pine between 39th and 41st.” 

Penn alum Rachel Rachelson (W’ 18) recounts the days when she had to eat Penn dining: “Sure, the greater Philadelphia area faces food insecurity, as Philadelphia is one of the poorest cities in the country, but I never knew where my next meal was coming from …. because there was too many options! There was Hill, McClelland, Houston Hall, not to mention all the food carts, chain restaurants, BYO places and coffee shops.”

A Drexel student tried to give a quote but was denied because his university is outside city bounds. As every Penn student ever has said: “Bad things are happening at Penn… I mean Philadelphia.”