Surviving Online Hazing: A Comprehensive Guide

So you want to be a brother or sister but are too afraid to actually rush. Well, you’ve come to the right place. This article is your comprehensive guide to continue shirking the misogyny, discomfort, and humiliation of hazing while sharing in all the spoils of fraternities. 

The first thing to remember about hazing in the age of Covid-19 is that it is an honor code system. As someone who came from a high school with an honor code, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Honor systems mean that not only should you lie, but you’re a sucker if you don’t. We at Penn know there is no such thing as honor.

If they tell you to chug a beer, just tell them you did it. Say something like “Did you not see me? I crushed it! My video must have frozen.” If they tell you to get naked on camera, tell them you live in a multigenerational home and that your grandma is in the room. The thing about online hazing is the fraternity has no clue whether you’re telling the truth or not. I can’t emphasize this enough--they don’t know! 

Not only can you avoid the horrors of hazing, but you also don’t even have to show up. Just log on, introduce yourself, and then turn your camera off and pretend to be troubleshooting. Check-in every 10 minutes to chime in and then have your internet fail again. 

Coronavirus may have destroyed your education and college experience, but it doesn’t have to stop you from rushing. Good luck!