New Option for Stored Belongings: Incineration, $75 per Box

The recent updates related to the fall semester threw a wrench in Penn students hopes to spend their fall semester enjoying Penn’s luxurious dorms and dining offerings. While on-campus housing is now largely closed, students who planned to return on campus now worry about the whereabouts and condition of their stored belongings.

With the recent changes related to the Fall semester, options for belonging retrieval have also changed.  For residents who have not already picked up their belongings from the movers, here are the options related to pickup of items that were packed up in the residences in Spring 2020 described in the latest email sent out by Penn Residential Services.

“We felt like these were very complicated times, so to help put students at ease, we’ve decided to simplify the stored belongings process.”

Penn’s reorganization of the storage process leaves students with one enticing and required option: Incineration, $75 per box. For larger items like furniture, televisions, and Canada Geese that do not fit into the 1 cubic foot incineration capsules, the cost will be determined by weight: $10 a pound.

For the few students who have expressed concerns about the wastefulness of burning personal belongings of over 10,000 undergraduate students, Amy Guttman offered a convincing response in her latest email correspondence with the student body.

“No Goodwill wants your bong water infused bean bag xoxo”

For those concerned about the costs of this newly rolled out incineration program, Guttman has made it clear that financial aid might cover it if you ask nicely.