Wharton Resume Padding Club Adds 3000 New Members

As the leaves begin to change color on Locust Walk, for many students, it really only signals one thing: another season of club rejection after rejection. Luckily for every Penn freshman struggling to fill out their LinkedIn profiles, there’s one club that never fails to let its applicants down. The Wharton Resume Padding Club was started in recent years by students who were tired of being rejected from every single club they applied to and wanted to create an inclusive club that still had the Wharton brand in its name. The qualifications necessary to join are minimal. Do you need to fill in a space on your resume after McDonald’s Frozen Dairy Consumer Product Designer? Do you get joy out of pretending to be successful? Are you willing to put zero effort into attending club events? These questions screen for only the best applicants that align themselves with club interests and goals.

Last Sunday marked the first, and only, club GBM of the year in which only 20 of the club’s 7500 total non-board members attended. During this meeting, the club’s seven presidents and 15 vice-presidents each spoke for thirty seconds about the goals for the club. After a rousing speech given by president number seven in which he read off of a post-it note written up ten minutes before the meeting, board position applications were emailed to all the members. Absolutely zero experience was required for students to apply and over 200 positions were available including party planner, zoom link manager, and understudy to the secretary’s assistant. As a final closing remark during the meeting, president number five asked all members to like and comment on their recent LinkedIn post to help grow their platform. “If I receive another fifteen likes, I’ll finally be able to add influencer to my resume and how cool would that be for any employer to see.”