If Penn Says I Can't Come, I'm Showing up With a Signed Note From My Mom

Penn can say they won't let students back to campus this spring, but that won't stop me. I'm bringing out the big guns. That's right, I'm rolling up to campus this spring with a signed note from my mom saying that I can go to school anyway. 

Just like when my mom would occasionally write notes to the gym teacher saying I had a stomach ache and thus couldn't run suicides, my mom just whipped up a signed note for Amy Gutmann explaining that I should get to go to school on campus this spring regardless of what the other kids are doing. I don't want you to get the wrong idea here. My mom is NOT the type of woman to sign notes for me willy nilly! That's why I was shocked when my mom told me that I would be going to school this spring regardless of University protocol.

To provide a little background, I do have a reason that I have to go back to school. According to my family, everyone at home is "tired of having [me] around the house" and "do not want [me] home anymore." Seeing as my living at home is so problematic, my mom decided to take things into her own hands, hence the note. 

The note is addressed to Dr. Gutmann and says, "Dear Dr. Gutmann, We simply cannot stand to have Alicia at home any longer (I thought we were done with this!). I understand that you are considering not having students on campus for the semester, but I ask that given the difficult circumstances, you permit Alicia to stay on campus for my sake and that of the rest of the family."

Then my mom said something else, but I couldn't read it because it was in cursive. I'm pretty sure it was probably just saying I'm a good kid and would be absolutely no trouble at school. Finally, she ended the note with her iconic "Thanks!" followed by her signature, proving that I didn't forge the note and that it's really her writing it.

I've got my golden ticket in hand as I'm writing this article and now all I have to worry about is not losing it before the first day of school. I don't know what's going to happen to the rest of you come spring semester, but one thing's for sure, whether you all are there or not, I'll be living large when I hand Amy Gutmann my mom's note.