Student Health Service’s Guide to Safe Sex During COVID-19

In line with the University of Pennsylvania’s recommendations and guidelines for this Fall semester, the Student Health Services advises all students to minimize their contact with others in an effort to slow the spread of COVID-19. 

However, we know that the young mind is susceptible to poor decision making, and will likely put lust over logic. Therefore, we’ve created this document of SHS’s top tips (pun intended) and tricks to help navigate sexual relations during the pandemic.

1. You are your own best friend! Good news! You cannot give yourself COVID-19. So grab some of your mom’s moisturizer and go to town!  
2. You can look… but don’t touch. Zoom doesn’t have to only be for classes. The video communications platform can also be used for ~sexy~ online dates. Does sexting turn you on? Send your partner explicit messages in the chat function. Enjoy making sex tapes? Well, if you have consent of both parties, play around with the record setting on Zoom. Like choking your partner? Just mute them during video sex. The possibilities are endless!
3. Home Sweet Home. If having sex with your Webkinz just doesn’t do it for you anymore, your next safest partner is someone you already live with. That’s right, feel free to make your living arrangements really uncomfortable by having sex with your housemate and then refusing to ever speak about it. If you are currently living at home with your family, we’d highly discourage you from following this rule. If you are considering having sex with someone in your family, please contact CAPS at 215-898-7021. 
4. Glory Hole, Hallelujah! If you are keen on hooking-up with someone outside your Close Friends Instagram story, try incorporating walls or partitions that limit the ability to kiss or come in contact with your partner’s face. COVID-19 is transferred through droplets, so for an extra layer of protection, get kinky with masks by pretending it’s BDSM bondage or maybe sexy nurse. You can stay safe while also broadening your sexual horizon! 
5. Don’t follow the crowd… especially if they’re on their way to an orgy. If going to a regular party right now during the pandemic doesn’t seem like a particularly wise decision, then attending a sex party certainly isn’t. If you insist on attending a group sex event, limit the amount of people on the guest list… feel free to blame us over at SHS. 

For more information on COVID-19 and general wellness please visit us at: https://shs.wellness.upenn.edu/. 

If you or someone you know is exhibiting symptoms of COVID-19, get tested immediately, and quarantine until you receive your results. If you test positive isolate and consult a physician as necessary. 

Remember Penn, COVID-19 doesn’t have to pose limitations on safe sexual relations!