Chinese Government Announces New 5G-Enabled COVID-20

Building off of the momentum of the first novel coronavirus, the Chinese Communist Party has announced a second version will be hitting the scene in the final months of 2020. Officials from the CCP have expressed the intention to incorporate user feedback about COVID-19 to improve this version’s features and design. These new features will include a higher mortality rate, a higher chance of transmission, and connectivity to state-of-the-art 5G telecom networks.

After the Communist Party saw huge success with their first bioweapon, consumers across the globe were infatuated with its deadly effects. Sending nearly every nation into lockdown and generating untold amounts of human misery, Chinese officials knew they had a winner on their hands. All that was next was to link the novel coronavirus to 5G networks, enhancing its ability to wreak immunological havoc and break the people’s psychic will. 

Although Communist Party officials have been secretive about COVID-20’s release date, bioweapon industry insiders say consumers can expect in the next month. Eyeing the typical holiday surge in purchasing, expect to find it in bats near you sooner rather than later.