REPORT: "Dreams and Nightmares" Heard Blasting Non-Stop From Joe Biden's Delaware Home

After 3 very long, sleepless days of doomscrolling through social media, it looked like the election was finally over. At approximately 9 AM Friday morning, Joe Biden overtook Donald Trump in Pennsylvania after a huge dump (of votes, not poop) went his way. With a win in the state, Biden would surpass the 270 electoral vote threshold and decisively take the presidency. Election reporting has concluded that the state of Pennsylvania flipped blue largely due to massive amounts of ballots in favor of Biden coming out of Philadelphia.

In response to Philadelphia possibly clinching the election, Joe Biden was heard partying in his home in Wilmington, Delaware. Biden reportedly blasted Philly-born rapper Meek Mill's albums throughout the day, which seemingly is an ode to the city's citizens that put him over the edge. UTB reached out to Biden's camp on what was going on inside the president-elect's home. Their response: "We invited Gritty and Joel Embiid over. We got TVs all over the house playing Rocky IV, Fresh Prince, Always Sunny, and Super Bowl LII. Fuckin' crazy and brotherly up in this jawn"

When asked for comments from Biden himself, his team responded that he was busy learning all the lyrics to the Philly anthem, "Dreams and Nightmares", so that he can 'appeal to more Black voters'. "Joe's a bit confused what a 'paddy wagon' and 'Rollie' are... but he's going to call Kamala to help him out with all the 'hood talk'. We are strongly discouraging him from asking if he can get a one-time n-word pass though."