“Hey! I’m Doing Well, How Are You?” Says Liar

Every day we get asked “Hi, how are you?” either by family, friends, or even strangers and I am sick of it. Some of you (looking at you Wharton) feel fine with lying all day long, but you’re not fooling anyone, least of all yourself. You can say you're doing well but we all know you’re growing increasingly concerned about your family’s alcoholism creeping up on you faster and faster. Saying you’re fine only means that the highlight of your day is crying yourself to sleep at night. While I am no one to judge, during 2020 we all smell the bullshit in your answers. 

During election week, my professor started off asking how we were, as though she didn’t already know the answer. Worse yet, some people had the audacity to say “I’m fine,” while I felt at a total loss at what to say. How are we realistically supposed to answer that anymore? Can I reply back “Every day I pray that it’s my last” or will that get me committed? 

I have decided to propose other options to ask each other how we are. I believe that we should use the following greetings:

Hey man! Before you ask, I am slipping slowly into the void every second of the day. 

Hi. I woke up this morning. Woo hoo.

Let’s just cut the crap, want to day drink?