UTB MadLibs: Can YOU Help Donald Write His Victory Speech?

Thank you. Thank you very much, everybody. Sorry to keep you waiting. I was just at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Beautiful venue. Beautiful women.

I've just received a call from Joe Biden. Joe congratulated us on our victory, and I (verb) him and his family on a very, very hard-fought campaign.

Now it is time for America to bind the wounds of division. To all Republicans and Democrats, (job profession that’s primarily red), (third party) and (white person), I say it is time for us to come together as the great United States of (noun). 

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be President for all (types of rodent), and this is so important to me. For those who have chosen not to support me in the past, of which there were (quantity in the millions) people, I'm reaching out to you to unify the people of (cult).

Working together, we will begin the urgent task of (verb) our nation and renewing the American dream. I've spent my entire life engaging with (type of drug), looking at the untapped potential in (noun) and in (choose: sex workers, priests or mothers) all over the world.  

As I've said from the beginning, ours was not a campaign but rather an incredible and great movement, made up of millions of hard-working (any plural noun but immigrants) who love their country and want a better, brighter future for themselves and for their (noun that isn’t children). 

I want to thank (celebrity), (closeted-gay Republican), (sell-out democrat), (porn star), (Trump family member), and myself.

It's an amazing evening. It's been an amazing four years, and I’m excited for the future of this great American (type of government structure, not democracy). I love this (type of sandwich).  

Thank you very much. And (notable figure from any religion) bless (country, not USA).