As Nation Implodes, Nevada Takes Time for Self Care

People are always stressing the importance of mental health, especially during times of high stress. Whether it be bubble baths or playing with their dog, people throw the words self care around to rationalize ignoring midterms or avoiding responsibilities. Tonight Nevada has also decided that during the disastrous election season, the stress is just overwhelming. In order to recharge, Nevada will be sitting at home on the edge of their seat, watching the news and praying about the outcome, instead of actually counting the ballots to make that outcome a reality. 

Sure it might seem simple enough to just count the motherfucking ballots already, considering like 45 states did it in a day, but Nevada looks to Pennsylvania and finds the justification it needs. “If Pennsylvania hasn’t gotten their shit together either, it’s okay because I probably won’t be the last one,” Nevada reported when asked to comment.   

Of course, some may say that having the future fate of America in their hands might make Nevada feel invigorated, like the work that they do really matters, but they would clearly be wrong. Nevada did not bother putting in a minute of overtime as they clocked out and headed across the street to the casinos. Just like a classic procrastinator, Nevada has decided to take a quiet night tonight and just sit back with a glass of wine and listen to the screams of terror from the other 49 states.