Republicans Pass Covid Relief Bill Because They Care About the American People

Worried by growing Covid cases across the country, Republicans used their majority in the Senate to pass a sweeping Covid relief bill, which provides a stimulus package of $2,000 to all qualified Americans. 

“We are doing this for the American people,” said Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell. “We know that right now, Americans are concerned the most about getting food on the table, paying their bills, and just staying afloat. That’s why we’ve decided to spend all of our time aiding the public instead of kamikaze-ing a justice into the Supreme Court.”

The bill passed with a near unanimous vote, since Democrats approved of the bill as well. 

“It’s important to put political differences aside in times of grave crisis like this,” said Lindsey Graham. “We’ve reached out to our fellow Americans across the aisle to pass this bill. When 210,000 American lives have been lost, there’s no such thing as a Democrat or Republican. The coronavirus is not a political issue, it is an American issue.”

In a press conference, President Trump reversed his stance on Dr Anthony Fauci. “I was wrong about the coronavirus and I should’ve trusted Tony,” said Trump. “For the next couple months, Dr Fauci, who is America’s top doctor, will run the country to minimize American deaths.”