Sobbing, Demoralized UTB Writer Realizes No Stereotype Broad Enough to Apply to All CAS Students

Last Thursday, UTB writer Ruben Trinkle (E ‘22) was seen sobbing uncontrollably after realizing that there was no stereotype broad enough to apply to all students in the College of Arts and Sciences.

Barred from writing another article comparing Whartonites to “snakes,” the dejected satirist had just begun a new document when he made the fatal realization.

“Haha, students in the College, am I right? Now, let’s see…” Trinkle muttered to himself, attempting to come up with a headline. “Uhhh… hm. Oh. Oh no.”

Unfortunately, students in the College are so heterogeneous in their interests and mannerisms that painting them with a broad comedic brush is not only frustrating but impossible. In the case of our poor colleague Ruben, the futile quest had driven him to the depths of despair.

“I guess they all read… books? They don’t like math or something? Wait, that’s not right...” Trinkle thought aloud, his voice beginning to break. “Oh God, it’s no use! No use!”

Despite the devastating attack launched onto his psyche by the existence of such an unmockably diverse student body, there is still hope for Ruben’s writing career yet. At press time, he was seen wiping away his tears and smiling softly to himself as he began to write a snarky piece about M&T students.