Tornado Destroys Philly, Caused By Universal Sigh of Relief

With the presidential victory of Joe Biden over Incumbent Donald Trump, leftists, feminists, homos, comrades, lovers, smokers, and teachers in cities across the country took to the streets to celebrate the historic moment. To commemorate, everyone in unison participated in a collective sigh of relief. However, this phenomenon had an extraordinary effect that meteorologists haven’t seen since the fall of the Soviet Union in 1989 and the end of the Great Boston Molasses Flood in 1919: all the air leaving people’s lungs at once caused a giant tornado. 

The tornado ripped through Rittenhouse Square, the hub of many triumphant festivities, killing four fascists and coincidentally only blowing away Trump 2020 banners while leaving Biden-Harris signs intact. 

First responders to the scene sprung quickly into action but upon seeing the victims said, “Oh … um… I guess we have time for a quick Starbucks run. Everyone be back here in five because then we are saving lives!” 

Weather reporters now project the tornado to travel from Philadelphia, through the red parts of Pennsylvania, ultimately hitting most of the Midwest.