Economic’s Stem Classification Paves Way for New Stem Astrology Major

Economics majors have it hard too, guys. Now officially classified as STEM majors, they feel they have the right to complain about how hard their little money classes are and already feel some of their basic reading comprehension slipping away. After all, STEM does stand for Science, Technology, Economics, and Math. Some sane people say that economics has absolutely nothing to do with real science, and has almost no purpose except to see who in our class are greedy capitalist pigs, but those people don’t understand the struggles of being a business major in STEM. 

Luckily, economics has opened the floodgates for a bunch of other worthy subjects to be classified as STEM too. While Fine Arts and Communications seem like good next choices, Penn administration has hinted at a new Astrology STEM major. It seems to fit perfectly with the current STEM subjects because it too ends in -ology and it even involves cancer. Astrology will be housed in the Astronomy department because there is almost no difference between the two. There will be labs in palm readings and blaming your bad parking on being a Pisces. Instead of a textbook, professors will assign daily readings on CoStar and group presentations assigned based on your Moon compatibility. 

Because Penn was the last Ivy to declare economics a legitimate science, Penn administration is determined to pioneer this new frontier. If there is any criticism of the program, remember that Amy Guttman is just a Scorpio: she can’t help it!