Gregory College House to Finally Get Air Conditioning in 2087

Finally, Penn's least loved and only unairconditioned dorm, Gregory College House, has been promised air conditioning with an installation date set for 2087. Gregory had been promised that air conditioning would be installed over the summer of 2020, but upon thinking it over, the Board of Trustees thought the better of the decision.

Cornered by an unfortunate promise to install air conditioning over the summer, Penn implemented its hail Mary: the Coronavirus pandemic starting in March. "Since we kicked kids off campus this semester, they will be so desperate to move into on-campus housing that they won't even have time to complain about the lack of AC," explained Gutmann thinking about ways to mitigate the crowds of disappointed students.

The students won't be content forever. The shock of the pandemic and the disappointment of missing a semester on campus will only distract them for so long. However, the Penn administration has a plan for that. Because these are unprecedented times, everyone understands why the AC installment was delayed. Penn simply has to reschedule the installation and no students will be the least bit upset. 

Gutmann announced the final projected installation date last Tuesday after the Trustees' meeting. "After careful consideration, the Board of Trustees has decided that the AC installation in Jeremy - er- Geraldine College House, which is certainly a high priority for us, will take place in the final months of 2087. Thank you for your understanding."