Maureen Rush Reportedly in Heated Skribbl.io Match During U. Council Meeting

Alright, this is understandable! A new report released last Tuesday revealed that Penn administrator Maureen Rush was actually in a “really heated Skribbl.io game” during last Wednesday’s University Council Open Forum.

Declassified footage indicates that Rush's explicit remark, which was seemingly made in response to a student’s speech, was actually directed toward a malformed starfish drawn by Provost Wendell Pritchett, who also happened to be playing Skribbl.io at the time.

“Seriously, Wendell? What the hell is that abomination,” Rush muttered under her breath, scrambling to input a guess before time was up for that round. “Fuck you, bitch.”

At the time, Rush was trailing Pritchett by 120 points, Chief Wellness Officer Benoit Dubé by 220 points, and President Amy Gutmann by a whopping 450 points. 

“There’s no way Gutmann’s taking the crown again,” Rush yelled when it was her turn to draw a picture of barbed wire. “You wanna see a scribble? I’LL SHOW YOU A SCRIBBLE!”

Rush will not be receiving disciplinary action for her outbursts, with Gutmann calling on students to “cut her some slack, mmkay?”

“Playing Skribbl.io during important administrative meetings is a time-honored tradition at our great University,” Gutmann addressed the student body with a triumphant smile. “And really, who can blame someone for cussing when they’re up against the Skribbl.io Queen herself?”