Wharton Students Receive Extra Gifts From Beneath the Christmas Trees of CAS Students

For years CAS students have complained that Wharton receives special treatment, from free printing to Fridays off. It seems unfair to have such a lush college experience considering that Wharton students don’t do any work, are incapable of having a thought that isn’t completely selfish, and have never known suffering. Why do they have the nicest building just because the average Wharton graduate makes exorbitantly more money than every CAS alumni combined?

But this year, Wharton has gone too far. After a long Zoom semester of being equal to their CAS peers, Wharton students needed to give their superiority complex a boost. In an email from the Wharton Dean, Erika James, she wrote that each Wharton student deserves the Christmas presents from underneath the trees of CAS students. Like the Grinch, each student may sneak into the house of three CAS students and take whatever they please, free of consequence. Of course, in true Wharton fashion, they are also allowed to hire someone else to break and enter while they spend their Christmas Eve cozy by the yule log fire. After all, Wharton students deserve to be treated special because they have abilities beyond regular people: one day they will be able to commit vast crimes ranging from tax fraud to drug abuse and simply avoid all punishment due to their vast wealth. 

Whether the gifts are just stocking stuffers or the new PS5, Wharton is taking the opportunity to teach a lesson in trickle down economics this holiday season. They hope to show that each and every one of their students can achieve pure capitalistic greed and corruption during this season of giving if they put their mind to it.