Amy Gutmann Excited for COVID-19 to Kill Freshmen: "There's Too Many of These Bitches"

In a recent statement, President Amy Gutmann expressed her joy at the multiple health and safety risks posed by freshmen living on campus. 

“Some have criticized my administration for bringing freshmen back to campus, citing crowded housing and social pressures as likely agents of spreading the virus,” said Gutmann. “But that’s exactly what I’m looking forward to. Simply put, there’s too many of these bitches. We need some freshmen to die.”

This is another move by Gutmann in a series of attempts to dwindle Penn’s student population. The beginning of her presidency, for example, was defined by several attempts to decrease the university's student retention rate.

“No matter what happens, I’ll be happy to have a little more space on campus,” said Gutmann, reclining in the luxurious office of her 40,000-square-foot mansion on 38th and Walnut streets. “Death is a necessary and natural part of life. I am excited and hopeful that many freshmen will either die or be permanently disabled as a result of the virus.”