BREAKING: The Rodin Tent Under All That Snow

That’s right — your last inkling of childhood wasn’t the only thing destroyed when Penn announced two consecutive snow days without cancelling a single class. As of late Tuesday morning, the high rise field testing tent’s structure was reported to be “under more stress than I am,” said a second-semester senior who still needs to get into three more sector classes. Only moments later, one of the Rabbis at Hillel reported that the roof “collapsed faster than most freshmen’s commitment to religion after they attend their first NSO darty.”

When asked to comment on the incident, one of Penn’s four mechanical engineering students told UTB that he “honestly wasn’t so surprised. I mean, think of it this way: The tent is a Jewish freshman. The snow is the numerous doctors in their immediate and extended families. The pressure is nearly unbearable.“ He also provided this graph to further clarify the physics involved in the collapse:

Penn assured students that the tent would be restored to normal by Wednesday evening at the latest. However, the University did warn that the testing center might close again if some really strong wind is forecasted, squirrels begin to burrow underneath it, a jogger on Locust breathes too hard, or admin decides that they don’t want to know about any more positive test results.