After Complaints Over Lack of Fun In-Person Activities, Penn Introduces Locust Walk Slip N’ Slide

Just when you thought Penn couldn’t get any more generous, they go out and do another amazing deed.

After a ton of students complained over not getting to do anything in-person with other people, Penn instituted a Slip ‘N Slide right on Locust Walk.

The students at Penn recognize the generosity of their university.

“Slipping and sliding with all my new friends made me realize the tuition really was worth it,” freshman Colin Mann (E '24) said. “Was it dangerous? Maybe. Are there a number of other important obligations Penn needs to address? Maybe. But all I know is that this meant a lot.”

The innovation is yet another example of Penn taking something that some might consider “bad” or “dangerous” or “scary as shit” and turning it into a positive.

“You know, a lot of people think that we’re not out to help our students, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth,” President Amy Gutmann said. “When we see something that has the potential for fun, like black ice, our goal is to jump on the opportunity and shut these whiny bitches up that think they can’t do anything in person with other people.”

Now that the issue of in-person activities is quelled, Penn students officially have nothing to complain about.