How To Tell Your White Friends Their Smelly Asses Need a Bidet

Listen, you stinky little meat pie...you think toilet paper is enough? You’re actually walking out of the bathroom, convinced you’re fully clean? Well, I got news for you buddy. 

Let me set the scene. You’re at your local Long John Silver’s with a seafood variety platter. Something doesn’t feel right...and that’s when it clicks. You have full blown diarrhea. Now do you think dry toilet paper is going to fix your little situation here? You think sheets of paper are gonna rectify the damage of your blowing asshole?

For reasons beyond me, Americans are just against washing their asses and it freaks me out. Take a good long look at the mirror. Are you happy with the image that stares back? An image that longs to be properly washed and cared for? No? Okay, then go buy a bidet. They’re like $30 on Amazon.