New $200m Quad Renovation Will Make Buildings More Livable for Squirrels

The much-needed upgrade of the Quad will finally make the historic buildings fit for occupation by squirrels. 

The renovations will include better room accessibility with squirrel-sized holes in windows, a snack bar so squirrels don’t have to eat as much garbage and upgraded bathrooms to prevent mold and bug infestations. These upgrades are long overdue as anyone who lived in the Quad can speak to the pathetic living conditions of these lovable, overweight creatures. “We’ve always prioritized the needs of squirrels and as these needs change, so must the built environment,” facilities manager Rob Patel said.

For some time it has been clear squirrels living in the Quad were getting a raw deal versus their brethren in the fit-for-a-giant-squirrel Lauder College House or even Hill. It was particularly embarrassing given living in the Quad is positioned as the quintessential Penn squirrel experience. 

“I’m just happy they’ll get to have an enjoyable Quad experience when these renovations are done” Riepe resident Stephanie Yang said.