Let’s Abolish the Pipeline from NASCAR to Penn Transit

In a lot of ways, Penn Transit is that girl. We all know and love her. Even though she takes approximately 67 minutes to get ready every time we go out... It’s okay because she’s there when we need her most.

Like most girls though, Penny can be quite problematic. It’s time to hold her accountable. We cannot be silent any longer.

Penny, sweetie, you’re too fucking fast. 

And I get it; being speedy is necessary to be efficient when there’s one too many depressed students requesting to be driven around the same 3 blocks within the Penn Bubble. I guess we could use a little thrill and adrenaline in our lives. But, going 60 on 40th and Walnut St in a minibus is simply not the way to go about this. 

Every time I step onto a Penn Transit vehicle, I just know that my life will be jeopardized. Guaranteed. When Jerry swerves and hits that sharp right turn, my heart drops to my ass, and suddenly I’m a devout Christian. Please, God, I promise you that my daily tweets about hating my life are just jokes, silly goose. It happens every single time. At this point, the issue is bigger than a few rotten apple drivers putting our lives at risk; this is systemic. 

After little to no research, I found that studies do confirm this. Due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing has been laying off their talented racers. One by one, NASCAR racers are becoming drivers for Penn Transit because of the University’s extensive employment benefits: minimum wage, no days off, and top-of-the-line protocols and protection against COVID-19 (i.e. plastic shield? door?). 

Students must mobilize and take action immediately to fight against yet another step that the University is taking to kill us all.