Fraternity Brother Tells Contact Tracer COVID Transmissible Through Zoom Lecture

Greek life has been falsely accused for the high Corona rates at Penn time and time again. Several of the frats on campus performed a study connecting virtual Zoom classes with transmission of the virus, not their in person events. The frats were sick and tired of the administration blaming them for “behaving irresponsibly” and they were determined to use their Ivy League minds to push the blame onto someone else. 

The study followed several of their pledges and tested them before and after they logged into lecture for the week and it turns out that by Friday, 13 out of the 20 pledges tested positive for Coronavirus. Students have wrongfully pointed their fingers at Greek Life when all along, it was the breakout rooms that lead to all the cases. Some have criticized the study, saying that the participants all attended a party on Saturday that was the actual cause of the spread, but no one likes people who yell fake news in the face of science.

Frat boys have relayed this information to both their contact tracers and the Penn administration at their disciplinary hearings. Clearly, we all owe Greek Life a sincere apology for the way we blamed them.