Fuck: Talented Writer in Your Creative Writing Workshop Is Actually in SEAS

Fiona Qu (E '23) is the total package! She’s hot, witty, nice, and she consistently produces top-notch stories and essays to submit to the creative writing workshop that you’re in together. Last week she turned in a gut-wrenching personal essay about the semantics of pears and separation. The week before last week she did a scintillating retelling of Grimm’s fairytale set in modern-day Israel. Just last night, she emailed the class with a capitalist diaspora semi-autobiographical second-person manifesto disguised in an ostensibly mundane story regarding intimacy and premature ejaculation. Not to mention that she always beat the deadline by at least 24 hours. 

And then something terrible happened. When you went to check the email that she just sent out to class, you realized that it was sent from a SEAS email. This must be a mistake, you thought to yourself. And then you scrambled to look for the signature on the email, and it said, “Candidate for Bachelor of Science in Engineering at the School of Engineering and Applied Science.”

On top of being talented in creative writing, Fiona was also exceedingly employable. Who'da thunk. Life is so cruel. You (C’24) are a failure. It’s not too late to add a minor in Consumer Psych.