Admissions Committee Announces That 70% Of Senior Class Would Not Be Admitted and Does Not Deserve to be Here

The University of Pennsylvania class of 2025 had a record-low acceptance rate combined with the largest application pool in history. Many took this as it was, a clear sign to the world that Penn is now more than just a name to drop into gritty financial dramas on premium television networks. Penn is a name worth dropping into other TV shows, like the Gossip Girl reboot or the Pretty Little Liars reboot. That is to say, Penn is now truly elite, which is also the name of a TV show that could potentially namedrop Penn.

This means that many older students may suddenly be feeling as if they aren’t good enough for Penn. As college admissions become more competitive every year, upperclassmen are beginning to worry that they are legacy students, relics of a different era in which 10% acceptance rates for regular decision students were the norm.

The Penn Admissions Selection Committee has issued a statement for older students worrying that they are no longer good enough for Penn’s expectations: You aren’t. 

The statement went on to detail that upwards of 70% of the senior class would not be admitted if they applied to Penn again and fundamentally do not deserve to be here. Representative Mackenzie Wilson explained, “While we are not  technically allowed to kick out any older students, we do consider them to be more akin to squatters. They snuck in here while no one was paying much attention, and we can’t legally kick  them out, so we’ve really just got to wait until they want to leave of their own volition.”