University of Pennsylvania Declares April 20th: "Disengagement Day"

A MESSAGE TO UNDERGRADUATE STUDENTS

from

Mamta Motwani Accapadi, Vice Provost for University Life

Beth A. Winkelstein, Deputy Provost

With the final Engagement Day having come and gone, and the spring weather being so fucking noice, we are delighted to update you that the University Life and New Student Orientation and Academic Initiatives (NSOAI) has declared Tuesday, April 20th, 2021: Disengagement Day.

The University of Pennsylvania can be a really stressful place. Hell, I snorted three addy today just to handle my email load. Therefore, we encourage all students on Tuesday, April 20th, 2021 to disengage from reality. We care about our student’s mental health, and therefore want to provide an opportunity for you all to remember that you’re just specks of dust on this meaningless hunk of rock we’ve arbitrarily called Earth, and that nothing we do or say in our lifetimes matters and will be forgotten in the long run.

Among the programming available today are double-decker bus tours to my dealer-cousin’s basement, smoke sessions at the biopond, and Mural Arts walking tours of Philadelphia neighborhoods while tripping on acid.

These events are open to all undergraduates but group sizes are dictated by public health guidelines. Many events require advance registration, so please review the schedule and sign up quickly. In order to be able to include as many students as possible, please only register for one activity.

If you want to learn more about how animals have sex after smoking three j’s in a row, log onto  this livestream: https://zoo.sandiegozoo.org/cams/baboon-cam

The College Houses, as well as offices like Penn First Plus and PENNCAP, also are organizing Engagement Day activities including a pop-up Snacksination clinic. Penn Dining facilities will be opened all day, with all-you-can-eat-buffets for you fat fucks. 

However you choose to disengage in the coming days, please consider the impact of your actions on your fellow members of the Penn community, on our West Philadelphia neighbors, and on our Philadelphia community. The Student Campus Compact remains in effect and you should continue to follow the guidance from Penn Cares and the Philadelphia Department of Public Health, which require fucking, fucking hard, and spitting on everyone, especially the elderly.

Thank you for doing your part to keep Penn safe and healthy these final weeks of the semester. We hope you make the most of the Disengagement Day and enjoy a safe and healthy bong rip.