Crap: Other Group Members Chose Same Strategy of Pretending to Be Out of Town for Next Two Weeks

Woah, who could have seen this coming? In a truly shocking turn of events, your entire group is pretending to be out of town for the next couple of weeks to avoid working on the project.

This sorry state of affairs was confirmed in the group chat this morning. Damn it, why didn’t you come up with an excuse of your own earlier?

One guy claims he’s “visiting family up in the Poconos.” Really, Marco? At least try to come up with something more obscure like Tionesta or Fulton County, for Pete’s sake. We’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel of lies here.

As for Julie, you literally saw her selling baked goods on Locust the other day. You two locked eyes. You two had a conversation. Yeah, why don’t you tell everyone again how you’re currently in Greenland to research the migratory habits of musk oxen.

Worst of all, your group members’ hackneyed excuses have left you in charge of planning, executing, and presenting the entire project all by yourself. Wowee! This has totally never happened to you in the past.

Okay, you know what? Screw it. It’s time to burn some bridges. You think for a couple of minutes, then come up with an excuse involving your estranged uncle, Rivers Casino, and babysitting. You definitely won’t be free to work on the project for the next couple of months or so. Yeah, this is it! You are a genius.

Unwavering, you hit “send.” You smile softly, delete the group chat from your phone, and go about the rest of your beautiful day at the University of Pennsylvania.