How to Avoid Getting Covid

One year ago today, I stood where you are standing today: indoctrinated by leftist media’s fantasized tales of this “pandemic” and the “election”. But I stand here today a free man. Not only free of infectious lies told by Bill Gates, his unlawful wife Melinda, and their sex slave sweat shop they call their “Foundation”, but free of all of my “friends” who blocked me on facebook after I posted the undoctored photo of JFK’s assasination, with Obama holding a blowdart gun just feet away from this car. 

I’m here today to enlighten you, to offer you the red pill in a world otherwise pervaded by fiction and child predators. We too often rely on doctors and medical professionals to instruct us in times of illness. I found this website called Corona Cures XXX that gave a lot of cures that haven’t been circulated by mainstream medicine, among other things. Here are a few of the ones that got a 90%+ coocoo curology score by the website. 

1. Stop using words that require you to open your mouth that wide 

The number 2 way that people contract COVID, second only to living near 5G towers, is from it flying into your mouth when you're saying a word that requires you to open your mouth wide. A few words, such as “Oh”, and “Ah”, require you to open your mouth wide, so stop saying those words. If you need to tell somebody “Oh”, write it down on a piece of paper and mail it to them. 

2. Do the Corona Shuffle when you feel it coming 

They got a brand new dance, you gotta move your muscle. Brand new dance, it's called the Corona Shuffle (shuffle).It don't matter if you're young or you're old (it matters a little), here we go. We gone show you how it go....

3. Stand close to old people so they’ll magnetize it away from reaching you

There are a lot of studies that show that the virus gravitates toward old people. So this is what you do: find yourself a few old people and stand near them at all times. If there is a virus in the water near the old person, it’ll stick to them like a magnet and you will be safe. One time I thought I got it so I started standing near my grandma, and the magnetics worked because she got it like 24-48 hours later.

4. Buy Corona Cures XXX year long membership for insider access to cures 

This is a limited time offer to subscribe to our year long membership for a fraction of our normal rate. This comes with complimentary Immune System Enlargement pills that only cause cancer 20% of the time. Order your subscription here, or just go outside and scream “Okaa Ooka Ooka, I’m CooCoo for a CoCo Cure” and one of our interns will hear you. 

Well, if you are intuitive as myself, you don’t need much more convincing than this. If you want more information just text me at 650-555-0024, I haven't gotten many texts recently so it’d be nice.