Introducing EAST & UP: My Flight Back to China This Summer

Coming soon this summer, the hottest new thing on the East Coast – heatedly anticipated by both my father and my mother, as well as my two (2) friends back home: EAST & UP, my flight back to China this summer.

Do you like a confined space with no privacy full of people you don’t know? Do you enjoy sitting in one place for 12+ hours straight until your ass becomes a cold slab of play dough? Do you enjoy listening to Britney Spears’s groundbreaking single “Toxic” (2003) on repeat while eyeing the older man sitting next to you? Well, my friend, if you answered yes to any of these questions, EAST & UP is the place for you.

This 13–hour premium exclusive experience is set to unveil early June. 10,000 feet (or 3 km, as they say in China) up in the air, you will be regaled to ice–cold orange juice and an irresistible collection of entertainment, including Becoming (Audio Book Version) and three random ass episodes from Season 3 of Parks and Recreation. 

Even after the 13–hour is up, the jouissance of EAST & UP is far from over. Get ready for the E & the U: an Eternity at the baggage conveyer, and your Unhappy parents who have saved 18 months’ worth of body–shaming to unleash on you. Glad to be home.