Student Interning from Home Regrets Passionate Goth My Little Pony Phase

We all have embarrassing moments from childhood preserved by unflattering pictures of dance recitals, pairs of patterned pants shoved to the back of a drawer, and of course, our all too eccentric, overly-bright room decor left to make us cringe upon our return from college. Unlike my parents, who rudely never let me dedicate my room to my childhood crush, Rufus from Kim Possible, Sarah Golding (C '22), had a ~cool~ mommy and daddy.

When Golding was in high school, she wanted to be an artist. Since elementary school, she had been painting, winning first place in finger painting and continuing her art throughout middle and high school. Over time, she honed her talents, so when 9th grade Sarah asked if she could paint her walls, her parents enthusiastically said yes. 

Simply painting the walls a lovely lavender purple was too basic for Golding. She started with a base coat of electric blue and then craftily painted 3 ft by 3 ft images of Goth My Little Pony figures. 

First, she drew Rainbow Dash with heavy eyeshadow, black hooves, and chokers that read: "Dumb Slut" and "Ride This Bitch". She gave Fluttershy eyebrow piercings, black hair with only a streak of her iconic pink hair, and an e-girl cross necklace. She continued with Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Twilight Sparkle, bringing to life her gothic fantasy. 

Golding was pleased with her magnum opus for about ten months before her pride turned to indifference, dislike, disgust, then finally repulsion. Within a year, she had already moved on to a K-Pop Pirates of the Caribbean aesthetic. However, the damage was already done — her room forever the love child of Adam Lambert and horse girls.

Now in college, Golding returns to her room for school breaks, forced to face the monsters she created. Understandably, Golding has been protective of her room, refusing to have friends over and keeping the shades drawn, ensuring that nobody would ever see her masterpiece. As far as we know, nobody ever had — that is, until now. 

This summer, Golding has a virtual internship at Google, working in the communications department. With no other place in the house to work, she has been forced to use her room as her office. As she signed into Zoom on the first day, she was faced with dozens of backgrounds of bookshelves, white walls, and home offices. As they did ice breakers, the group leader asked about her background. Golding blushed, embarrassed. She mumbled an explanation as she reluctantly displayed her 9th-grade painting of Pinkie Pie. The group leader grimaced as the rest of the group cringed. 

Abruptly, Golding was cut from the Zoom call, most likely due to network errors. However, upon rejoining the meeting, she received an error message that the link was no longer active. Despite her greatest attempts, she has not been able to get in contact with anyone at Google via phone, email, fax, flying cross-country, and showing up at their offices only to be escorted off the premises and thus has not been participating in the internship. If anyone knows someone in Google's Communication department, please email tips@thestatesman.com so Golding can get some closure to this traumatic event.