Op-Ed: I Write for UTB, Now Give Me Twitter Clout

Hey, it’s me, @jacksonjabbers from Twitter. I noticed you aren’t retweeting me yet. I write for Under the Button, which makes me funny, but in a casual Twitter way, and not in an overbearing way. As a part of the Penn Twitter community, I believe it is my right as an  Under the Button writer to receive praise for my “great Twitter,” where I tweet things like “I have to be the sexiest girl in 1920 commons” or “time to engage with lip gloss discourse.” Since I’m gay, I also get to tweet about poppers and Mitski as a bonus. 

Yeah, I’ve been told I should do standup comedy, but tweeting nonsequiturs on the internet under the moniker “jasonson” is so much more fun, and the likes give me instant gratification. Sometimes I’ve even been known to Instagram a picture of a duck wearing pants. Who knows what crazy way I’ll use social media next?

Is this article too niche? That makes sense. You wouldn’t get it because my mind is so comedic and brilliant that only those who also write for UTB will enjoy it. And those of you who want to be part of the “funny” community are also welcome to retweet - just know you will never be one of us. Followers, please!