Hey Everyone, Is It Too Late to Get a Summer Internship?

So, I've been going a little stir crazy from my childhood bedroom and am looking for something to do to pass the time. I want to be clear; I have been doing things. Watching Netflix and sniffing glue are worthwhile pastimes. There are only 8 weeks until I'm back in school, and since I can't find a professional job that will hire me, I thought I might be internship material. 

Here are my stats:

GPA: 3.6 

Not incredible, but pretty respectable, I think. With grades like these, I'm sure Goldman Sachs will look twice at my application.

Major: English 

Writing is one of the most important skills in any field (at least that's what everybody tells me). With a super original major and courses in practical and general subjects like "Queerness in the Finnish translation of Mary Shelly's Frankenstein," I'm pretty marketable.

Work Experience: 9 months at Chipotle Mexican Grill (Cashier), 5 months at Barnes & Noble (Cashier), 8 Week Summer Camp Counselor 

This work experience shows that I'm a young professional. Somehow I've managed to hold multiple jobs before turning 21 (overachiever alert!), which means I'm better than the other applicants.

Extracurriculars: UTB Staff Writer, Creative Writing Club 

These show that I'm well-rounded, creative, and quirky. I'm not just hanging out in the library studying all day! I'm a dreamer with my head in the stars! As the company creative, I will find new and innovative solutions to corporate problems by thinking outside the box.

References: High School English Teacher, Girl Scout Leader (grades 5-8), Local Zookeeper 

These references are the people who know me best since they've known me the longest. While some people might choose more recent contacts, nobody knows me like these guys. Ms. Smith knows my deepest secrets since I gossiped with her after English class, Mrs. Mason is my childhood best friend's mom, and Mr. Keith helped me when I got my arm stuck in the gorilla enclosure back in the 6th, 8th, and 11th grades. All of these trusted adults have a lot to say about me.

With this resume, I'm obviously qualified for any internship, so it's just a matter of figuring out where to apply. So far, I haven't seen any job openings I liked since I started my search 15 minutes ago, but I'm sure something will turn up... or, on second thought, this search has been exhausting, and "Netflix internship" would look pretty impressive on my resume.