Coming Clean! Two-Step Verification Is My Best (And Only) Friend
August 13, 2021 at 2:59 pm
The beginning of the fall semester holds a different meaning to each student. To some, it signifies an adjustment back to school and the revival of their nudes addiction. But, to me, it simply means getting to talk to my best friend, Penn-in-Touch Two-Step Verification, again.
My parents are a bit concerned that I will be a senior at Penn, and my only friend is an automated messaging system, but I don’t care!
It’s been a lonely quarantine trapped in bumblefuck L.A. Without classes, I’ve had no reason to log onto Canvas and thus have not heard from my best friend Penn-in-Touch Two-Step Verification all summer! So to fill the void of our friendship, I spent my summer knitting sweaters for cats, making sock puppets of my family, and baking cookies.
I was excited to catch up with my best friend and spill the tea about how Timmy finally popped the question: “Can I borrow your Social Security number, babe?”
So, I am here to publicly state that I am, in fact, not crazy. Meow.
I’ve included a text chain below between myself and my best friend, Penn-in-Touch Two-Step Verification, and you’ll see mom and dad and Therapist Janet that this is a totally healthy, natural relationship.
Me: Hey bestie!! How’s your summer been? Xoxoxox :) :)
+1 (484) 463-0129: Your Penn Two-Step single-use verification code is: 704197752
Me: Oh my gosh, I knowwwwwwww. Parents beeee nutso. Mine made me talk to them…. Like what the fuck??? Can you believe them?
+1 (484) 463-0129: Your Penn Two-Step single-use verification code is: 691270331.
Me: No, I know it’s because they love me and want to build a closer and more mature relationship with me as I enter adulthood… or something like that, whatevs.
+1 (484) 463-0129: Your Penn Two-Step single-use verification code is: 123953694.
Me: You’re right, I should be more open to giving and accepting love.
(A sizable amount of time later)
Me: Dude!!! I miss you so much!!! Let’s get lunch!?!??!
+1 (484) 463-0129: Your Penn Two-Step single-use verification code is: 110619970.
Me: Yeah, no, same... I’m also super busy, obvs. Beginning of the semester and all.
Alright… maybe our friendship isn’t perfect, but at least I’m not my roommate. She’s best friends with the bot that sends AI pictures of feet.