High Rise Residents Opt To Live In Tents On NCHW Grass

After students were exposed to the latest breath-taking new residential building on campus, New College House West, many decided that being in the presence of such a luxurious dorm space beat out any reason to live in the high rises.

That’s why, recently, high rise residents have decided they’d prefer to live in tents on NCHW’s spacious grass as opposed to living in their dated residential buildings.

According to one person who made the switch, the move was too alluring to pass up.

“Sure, Harnwell was a pretty decent place to live, but in comparison to NCHW, it’s like I was living in Guantanamo Bay,” sophomore Colin Banks said.

For New College House West Grass (NCHWG) residents, the area holds several factors that outweigh indoor shelter. For starters, they get to breathe in that sweet, sweet NCHW air, as opposed to the comparative trash heap that is the high rises. Additionally, many NCHWG residents report that they get a much better view of how the lucky few in the building sleep and live their lives, a development that has angered many in the residence.

“I get it; these peasants want to see how us pampered folk go about our days,” junior NCHW resident Chris Jenkins said. “But that doesn’t mean they get to live on our grass. That’s our grass, that we earned, and I’ll be damned if I see one of these low-lifes damage even a shred of it.”

As the weeks progress, expect to see some NCHWG occupants get desperate and attempt to reach the lobby of NCHW, despite the potential that they’ll legally be shot on sight by the building’s residents for trespassing on hallowed grounds.