Facing Pressure from Divestment Activists, Penn Unveils Second Climate Week

Last Thursday, Amy Gutmann and the trustees of the University of Pennsylvania voted on a vital piece of legislation that could prove transformative in the fight against climate change. Facing pressure from divestment activists, students, and basically anyone whose future may be impacted by a world on fire, the University has unveiled their groundbreaking plan: a second Climate Week.

In an email to the Penn community, Gutmann stated, “Listen, we hear you. We see you. We understand that you cannot imagine a future twenty years from now. In response, we have decided to dedicate an entire second week to climate change lectures, sponsored by major student employers such as Exxon Mobile and Blackrock.”

Gutmann continued that the University of Pennsylvania will continue to invest in fossil fuels.

“We want to toe the line between ensuring our students are heard while simultaneously funding for the demise of their future. It’s a hard line to walk, but we try to strike a balance!”

Penn’s student body is ecstatic about the announcement.

Urban Studies major Kylie Zehrung (C’22) states, “I’m just so excited to ponder the possibilities of a green future without actually committing to them! It also helps that we will have the most forward-thinking minds essentially doing nothing. Can’t wait to see what this week has in store!”