Student Awakes from “Quick 20-minute Nap” In Time to Witness Heat Death of Universe

Oops! In a cruel twist of fate, Nico Wright (C ‘23) overslept his 3pm alarm, waking up just in time to witness the thermodynamic end of the universe.

“At first, I was panicking because I thought I had missed anthropology recitation,” Wright related, rubbing his eyes. “But then I saw the remnants of existence decaying around me, and I knew that I had bigger problems to deal with.”

It’s an all-too-familiar problem for students: a quick 20-minute nap for an energy boost devolving into a profound hibernation on the magnitude of 10^10^100 years. According to Wright, it was definitely not something that he wants to repeat anytime soon.

“Yeah, waking up and realizing that everyone you’ve ever known or interacted with has long regressed into a cosmic cloud of neutrinos and positrons — not fun,” Wright uttered as he stared onward into the starless expanse.

What’s next for Wright? Will he ever perceive anything that resembles his home ever again? Well, you know what they say: “let sleeping Penn students lie.”

“Screw this, I’m going back to bed,” Wright mumbled, slipping on his eye mask. “Wake me up when the next universe starts.”