Six Outfits Warm Enough for Fall but Slutty Enough to Black Out In

Fall is here, and while some embrace the new season of fashion it brings, others struggle to balance their hot girl tendencies with the brutal Philadelphia chill. One of the leading causes of seasonal depression is, in fact, the cold temperatures that force all the girlies to put away their cute summer going out tops and bundle up (or risk freezing to death while waiting to get into a frat). But have no fear, hotties - this exhaustive list of fall outfits will keep you trendy, sexy, and toasty all season. 

Kim Kardashian's Met Gala Fit

Who wasn't inspired after seeing a woman that was most likely Kim Kardashian on the 2021 Met Gala carpet? There's no better outfit to black out in than an entirely blacked-out look. This outfit is the perfect combination of trendy and cute, with tons of warm coverage for fall. Plus, it doubles as a critique of the capitalist media’s obsession with women’s bodies. So fun! 

Snow Pants, No Top

If you go to Penn, you probably know how to ski, or pretend to know how to ski, or have friends that ski, or have been invited to a ski party despite never setting foot on a mountain in your life. No matter your experience, you have some proximity to skiing at this institution. Channel that with this super sexy outfit that says, "I like to keep my bottom half warm and toasty, while still keeping it fun and flirty up top." Tits out, baby!

Christian Girl Autumn Vibes

Let’s be real about this girl. She’s pretty, she’s nice, she takes really good notes in class, but nobody needs a drink more than she does. Channel her fun-mom energy with this seasonal fit that says, "I’m really hardworking and sweet, and also a soccer mom that drinks wine out of a flask on the sidelines of my kid’s game. My husband has been seeing another woman for months now, the other moms at the PTA don’t like my cookies, and my kids don’t talk to me. But I’m not whining, only WINE-ing! Ha ha!" It's guaranteed that she will black out by the end of the family party, and you can too. 

That One Outfit I Always End Up Wearing When I Go Out 

A timeless classic! Perfect for those nights where you try on every article of clothing in your closet, cry out of self loathing, and ultimately decide on the same black top and jeans that you wear every weekend. It works for all seasons!

Halloween Costume That is Basically Lingerie 

Every hot person knows that the biggest fashion event of fall is Halloween. And the real secret to dressing for fall: a hoe never gets cold. Stay passionate, stay dedicated to your craft, and brave the late-October temps with the skimpiest possible outfit you can find. Luckily, global warming may be able to help you out with this one.

And of course:

Canada Goose Jacket and Absolutely Nothing Else

The Penn hot girl, deconstructed to her most essential and basic component: the Canada Goose jacket. If the satisfaction of knowing you're cool and rich enough to own this status symbol isn't enough to keep you feeling warm and fuzzy, that $1,000 goosey down is sure to do the trick. Plus, the fact that you are otherwise completely naked will make you the life of any party. Enjoy!