Wow! Most Privileged Motherfuckers in Country Find Some New Shit to Complain About

A recent survey found that Penn students, as expected, are back on their bullshit.  We asked some of these Ivy Leaguers what pressing campus issues needed to be addressed.

“Penn needs more police patrolling the campus,” asserted a disheveled sophomore.  “The gated community I grew up in was nothing like this.  It just feels so unsafe and urban.”

Another student expressed frustration over Penn’s catastrophic plummet in the US News college ranking.  “Choosing between my five Ivy League acceptances was the hardest decision of my life.  If I knew Penn was going to be ranked #9 this year, I never would have attended.  Now how am I going to get hired anywhere?”

One student spoke up to say that the cost of tuition was too high, but that complaint was quickly put to rest by a classmate advising him to “just work harder.”  Thank God that one was resolved!

Out of those surveyed, 82% think the dining hall food is “gross,” 68% think the dining hall staff could have “better attitudes,” and 97% will never have to work in the food industry in their lives.