BREAKING! Wharton to Require Mandatory Nepotism Training

The Wharton school of business has become a household name not only because of its ranking, but also due to the school’s numerous prestigious alumni such as former president Donald Trump, known for his work as a socialist leader in the Democratic party and tireless activism for civil rights and female empowerment. 

However, it is no easy task to navigate the business world after leaving Wharton. In an exclusive interview with Under the Button, class of 2020 graduate Andrew Johnson says that “after graduating from Wharton, I felt lost. It was so hard to choose between all of the jobs being thrown at me -- executive assistant to my dad’s fraternity brother at Goldman Sachs, director of international trade for my ex-girlfriend’s uncle at J.P. Morgan, operations manager for a Wharton alum at Wells Fargo -- people just don’t understand how cut throat it is after college.”

There are countless horror stories of students navigating the post-Wharton world like Andrew, and due to the extreme difficulty of having to choose which job offer based entirely on social connections to accept, Wharton has recently announced a mandatory program for all business students on how to navigate the challenging world of nepotism. 

Wharton’s nepotism training program will be a rigorous course, including sections such as how to pick which family friend in the top 1% wealth bracket to get your letter of recommendation from and how to casually mention in interviews that you vacation in the Hamptons every summer. There will also be training on how to donate your hard earned money back to Wharton, because with an endowment of only 1.3 billion dollars, the school is obviously struggling financially.

Under The Button commends Wharton for their work on ensuring equal and fair opportunities for their students, and the entirety of the Penn community looks forward to seeing the many future Donald Trumps of the business world as a result of this groundbreaking training initiative.