Beyond Anarchy: Sophomore Sips Water 20 Minutes Before COVID-19 Test

Fall of civilized society! Daring Luddite, Katey Musso (C ‘23) took not one, but two sips of water about 20 minutes before her COVID-19 test.

The motive behind this borderline criminal activity has yet to be uncovered. Was this a lone act of defiance against the system? Or, was it part of some decentralized plot coordinated by revolutionary-minded water-drinkers across campus to bring the COVID-19 testing apparatus to its proverbial knees? Was she just thirsty?

The felonious swigs were but the first part of Musso’s grand scheme. On-lookers watched in horror as Musso sauntered into the testing tent, grabbed a vial, and unleashed her deadly payload of diluted spit without a second thought. And then she flashed a smile.

Why? Are you happy knowing that your inaccurate test result will stymie efforts to minimize the risk of exposure throughout the Penn community and obstruct the delivery of appropriate care to those affected? Do you just not care?

I’m not willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, you lamentable Bolshevik. You know what you did.