OP-ED: I Don’t Have Dyslexia, My Brain Is Just Hard-wired for Ancient Greek Like Percy Jackson

Neuropsych evaluation be damned. My doctor may have just formally diagnosed me with dyslexia, but he is mistaken, for I am a demigod whose brain is predisposed to reading Ancient Greek, like in Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson book series. That’s right, my dad is Dionysus, god of partying! Shoutout to my brothers at SigEp! 

Language is a complicated thing. But not Ancient Greek. Any developmental psychologist will tell you that demigods are exempt from the standard rules of language processing. When I read Ancient Greek, the letters swirl all around my head and then reformat themselves in English, which makes no sense because I have a hard time reading English usually, but now it’s different somehow. I guess all Ancient Greeks had dyslexia? Otherwise why would it make sense for me to have dyslexia? Also if my parent is a God, why can’t he just...make it easier for me to read? I know he’s not the God of language, or reading, or whatever, but I’m sure he knows the guy? Whatever, I’m not too bent out of shape about it.

Coupled with my ADHD, which is actually just heightened sensibilities to be able to fight monsters, I would be unstoppable if I had to fight a hydra or like...a dragon...or whatever. Unfortunately, none of this is helpful in my day-to-day life at Penn. It does make me spend a lot of time emailing Weingarten Resource Center. So like, probably any day now I’ll be whisked away to Camp Half-Blood to start my warrior training. Just waiting on a signal. Any day now.