Girl Who Bikes Wants You to Know She Bikes

Hey! Were you going to walk to Lauren’s house? Oh man, I would love to walk with you, but I think I’m going to bike instead. Do you have a bike? You don’t? That’s crazy, I couldn’t imagine not having a bike and walking everywhere. So cool you do it though. Personally, every time I walk, all I think about is how much faster it would be if I were biking. But you’re so brave for doing that.

Have you ever considered getting a bike? It’s such an easy way to get around. Is it super dangerous? Yeah, but honestly worth it to just cut down a few minutes on my walking time. Have I been hit by a car three times? You know, those were super freak accidents and not at all common among bikers. There’s actually about a 0.0012 percent chance of getting hit during any one ride. So what if I went to the hospital, got stitches, and ended up getting a concussion? It beats walking!

If I am being honest, I would rather eat nails and shit them out one by one than walk. Not even exaggerating. I feel so free, free as a bird as I bike down the streets of Philadelphia. By the way, Philadelphia is a super safe city to bike in. Does Philly lack bike lanes, especially as we go further west? Listen, it doesn’t matter. Why aren’t you getting a fucking bike already? Literally, what’s wrong with you? Are you a little bitch baby? Is someone too scared to bike? I am literally playing the world’s smallest violin right now. Grow the fuck up.

Anyway, I’ll just meet you at Lauren’s.