Girl Who is Down for Anything Convicted of Murder
November 10, 2021 at 10:00 am
In a shocking turn of events, the resident cool, chill girl on campus, otherwise known Carey Smith (C’22), has been convicted of first-degree murder.
Smith maintains that she is unable to recall the actual details of the murder, stating “I don’t know. One minute, I was just down to rally for the Zete late night, the next minute I was in the midst of executing a planned muder. I don’t really know what happened, I was just along for the ride, you know?”
Smith’s lawyer is attempting to appeal the conviction under Pennsylvania’s “Just a Girl” Law, which absolves women of certain crimes on the basis of them just being dumb girls. The caveat of that law is that it would place Smith under the care of a male presence in her life, as God intended.
When asked for a comment, Smith stated, “Yeah, honestly, I am just down for whatever. I think it would suck if I went to jail, but honestly whatever works!”