OP-ED: Let’s Not Cancel Mansplaining Because I Actually Don’t Understand Anything

Life as a white, straight, cisgender woman at an elite private university is hard. My fragile female mind can’t handle the stress of learning concepts in this progressive world that are so obviously meant for a man. No, I don’t understand why we can’t just print more money to solve the national debt. No, I don’t know how to change a car tire. No, I don’t understand what the fuck a supply shortage is and why it is causing the Starbucks on 40th and Walnut to be out of stock of the breakfast sandwich I eat every single day. 

Why are we canceling mansplaining when this is literally the only way I am going to learn such things? I don’t understand why I constantly see in the news that mansplaining is “derogatory towards women” and “sexist” and “condescending" … it’s helpful!

Mansplaining helps us girls to learn about silly things in life that only a guy can understand. I find it so helpful when a random fraternity brother will come up to me at a party and say “someone is in the bathroom right now” when I have been waiting in line for the past ten minutes — I would’ve never known! And I love when a guy in my Econ class explains to me a basic knowledge of the rules of basketball even though I watched the game he’s talking about and he didn’t! It’s such a helpful reminder and really puts me in my place. 

Therefore, I officially declare mansplaining to be UNcancelled. Let’s reinstate the patriarchy! Women should go back to the kitchen where they belong! I don’t have time for stupid things like economics or sports or heck, even literacy! I am perfectly happy cooking, cleaning, and acting as the homemaker I was destined to be. Who’s with me?